There's no turning back now...

I like wearing high heels to work because the click-click-click of the heel sound hitting the tile floor makes me feel like a grown up.

What makes me feel less like a grown up is the fact that I've been too busy to mend tearsin my clothes, so currently every piece of clothing I'm wearing has a hopefully unnoticible, but still very much there, hole.

vows and such

So I was checking the classifieds on thespec.com looking for a new job and for whatever reason decided to browse the personals (to mock, obvi.)

Of course I found the usual "M 50s seeks bride" ads, but there were also a ton of married men seeking married/single women for a "discreet" relationship. Is this what monogamous relationships have come to? I had long given up on the idea that when two people get married they live happily ever after, free of problems and hot secretaries, but this is too much. Shouldn't people have to work to have an affair? Is it so difficult to find someone to cheat on your wife with now that you just put an ad in the paper and take whatever lonely spinster comes along?

Why not just go see a hooker?

Microserfs (home building edition)

Working in an office full of cubicals really does a number on your morale.

This morning I relocated to my fifth desk in three months. I've given up even making myself comfortable and am not living out of a banker's box containing my meager posessions (file folders, grapefruit hand lotion, sweater, water bottle, apple sauce, pens, etc.) topped off with a turquoise origami mouse welcoming me "Home Sweet Home!" with a origami word bubble taped to his right ear.

You'd think I'd be frustrated and melancholic, but today I get to use the label maker, so things are looking up.

In the car, on the way to work

Steve: (driver's seat, on the phone) Yeah, I'm just heading over to the office to drop off some paperwork and crap, I'll be at the site soon.
Melissa: (passenger seat) Am I the paperwork or the crap being dropped off?
Steve: The crap.
Melissa: Nice.

Oh, family.

Lord of the Fruit Flies

Fruit flies have completely taken over my house. I'm thinking of moving into a Motel 6 and signing the house over to their King.

Big Girls Don't Cry Over Bad Grammar

I really enjoyed the new Fergie single until I noticed a glaring grammar error in the chorus. The same, terrible faux pas repeated several times until by the end of the song I could think of nothin else. (Bonus points if you can name the mistake.)

I really need to get back to school where I can surround myself with people who, by nature, obsess about grammar.

Nothing Ever Stays

There's something nice about coming home from a long day at work to find a package addressed to you, especially when it's something you'd forgotten you'd ordered, and are thus even more surprised.

Eating mac and cheese while listening to the CD contained in said package is even nicer.

I move to abolish email and facebook. Especially facebook. I miss the days of getting actual mail. Granted, I'm not too old, so my memories of receiving mail are mostly of Hello Kitty stationary, lick'n'stick stickers and pen pals. I still miss it.

Surfin' USA

In approx. 34 minutes I will depart to Sunny California for one week's vacation, or as I like to call it: Operation World Takeover (colon) The Golden State Episode; Surfing, Bridges and Seth Cohen.

In preparation, I have taken all the necessary precautions. Behold, the California Survival Kit, containing:

- Seasons 2-4 of the OC, fitted snuggly in my iPod.
- Various California-inspired reading material (the Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test, Microserfs, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, etc)
- Dozens of songs about California, to be arranged on the plane, to create the perfect sunshiny road mix
- Camera and new batteries, to document any important events (Golden Gate Bridge, Venice, meeting Zach Braff (if only))
- The magic pink sunglasses
- Sunscreen (SPF 55), to be reapplied continually
- Numerous "hip" guidebooks (including two issues of Spin) to charter me through the cities
- A teddy bear (to protect me in South Central)

Hopefully I haven't forgotten anything.